A cautionary tale

Some people love horses. And that's wrong. And then some people, love horses.

FUCK THAT!

Case in point, THIS piece of shit. Basically, some dude sneaks onto a farm, decides 'I think my ass is experiencing a serious deficiency of lethal horse cock, let's rectify my rectum...remmediately.'

I accept that even people who generally like horses think this sort of practice is awful. I further challenge, however, that everyone who claims to like horses make a group of people who I will dub 'losers.' Of that set of losers, there exists a subset of losers who like horses in a creepy erotic fashion. This set includes (but is not limited to) fursuit-enthusiasts (aka furries), My Little Pony collectors, people with distended anuses from shoving My Little Ponys in there, people who'd like to have a chance to be fucked by a horse, and people who actually HAVE fucked a horse.



















There is no image I'm willing to search for to put here.


WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE. If you feel the need to ram 16 inches of cock in your ass far enough to induce internal rupturing, that's like saying you'd love to shove a nitro-glycerine dildo up in there. Why not have sex with a time-bomb. My only regret in chewing you fucking perverts out is that lots of horsewhores will agree with me. WELL FUCK YOU ALL.

How to get away with punching a horse

If your name is Lodewijk De Smet then

YOU DID IT!!

As we can read HERE this guy, who has chosen two worthless professions at the same time, gave his horse what it was asking for, and that was a stiff uppercut to the area we like to call 'the puss.'

De Smut, who is both a vet (whaaaaat) and a jockey (WHAAAAAT) raced a bunch of teenagers and lost because his horse is obviously extremely fucking retardings. After throwing a gay little shitfit, he UNLEASHED THE BEAST all over that fucking four-legged loser. Onlookers were horrified for some reason. Also, a little girl cried, which is a great sign that something terrific has fucking GONE DOWN. No word as to whether or not Kool-Aid man was there, but if he was, he'd totally bust through a brick wall and scream something cool.


Yeah, something like that!


Somehow this gets him in trouble (FUCK. THAT.), but a panel of level-headed and sane judges totally claims that, and I quote: "such handling of an animal falls short of what is expected of a vet, the committee does not believe that this could be described as falling far short of what is expected." Translation: BITCH DESERVED IT.

Kudos to you, Chodelick Von Smegma, or whatever, for totally showing horses that even a jury of horse-sympathizers won't stand up for them when someone puts them in their fucking place.

Even MORE evidence of equine assholishness

This is probably at least a hundred years old, but everyone has probably seen THIS:


Shit! SHIT! WARRGH GO BULLDOGS!!!


Look at that horse.

LOOK AT ITS FUCKING FACE.

He's ENJOYING this. What a motherfucker.

I'm pretty sure, judging by the look on that kid's face, that he will have nightmares about this event until he's turned into some kind of psychopathic retard or some weird neurotic just waiting, WAITING I SAY, to pay his entire life savings to a therapist years after he attempts to repress the memory of this day. The day one of those goddamn horses stepped over the line once again, and scarred someone for life.

FUCK. THAT.

There's two ways to scar someone forever with a horse, and that was the wrong way. What's the right way? I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED. HERE:



Yeah, that's how you do it.

This man makes a good point

It seems the hatred of horses is catching on. Just over on this site we have a personal account of why horses are motherfucking shitcocks. Plus it's got pictures! But the guy's a bit muddled when he compares a horse to a fine steak.

FUCK. THAT.

Coming from someone who eats steaks, I can say that you do not want to be served anything less than grade A beef. So why the fuck would you pollute your body with horrendous horsemeat? Did this guy not already establish (rightfully) that horses are completely LOADED with shit?! I'd rather the horse just fucking die; it is of NO GODDAMN USE. Not for RIDING, and certainly not for fucking EATING. The only good thing you can do with a horse is hurt, maim or kill it.

ON A SIDENOTE: some Digg users (this is where I got the link originally) actually DEFENDED the horse! THIS shitbird goes on to say that, and I quote, "My dad used to own a racehorse (bridal[sic] racing) therefore I spent plenty of time around the stables when I was a kid... Any horse I've ever spent any time around acted like a perfect gentleman." BRIDAL?! OBVIOUSLY we know why YOU like horses, horsewhore. Clearly this gentleman horse showed you a lovely evening of anal intrusion and promises of matrimony. YOU'RE A DAMN IDIOT. THIS goddamn moron got completely butthurt at the idea of anyone not liking horses and cried foul:

"Maybe it is the fact that I spent most of my life around horses as a show jumper and know how completely untrue almost all of that is. Horses are much more intelligent then given credit for, they bond very closely with humans and have incredible perception of moods and learn the ins and outs of their owners just as we learn their habits and personalities. Of course, just like humans there are smart and dumb horses. If you take true things and exaggerate them, they can be funny, but if you take completely untrue things and exaggerate them, not so funny. Oh well, most people don't know all that about horses, so I guess it would be funny to them. To each their own..."

What this horsewhore forgot to include somewhere in that meandering pile of crap he calls an argument is a fucking POINT. "Horses totally emote," he seems to say. "I won't bother to prove it, but I'm sure it must be true because I lived with them for most of my life!" That you would willingly spend most of your life with horses completely invalidates you as a person. Everyone who voluntarily works with a horse needs to remind themselves...what the fuck has the horse done for YOU that you feel obliged to shovel their shit and feed them for?

FUCKING FREELOADERS!!!

You Know Who Hates Horses, Too?

I'll tell you who. FUCKING CONAN.



Trust me, I've seen this clip probably 500 times and it never gets old. Possibly because the clip is 3 seconds of pure awesome. That's twenty (20) views in a minute, so if your boss comes in and complains that you're wasting productivity, emulate Arnold here and smack his chops. Also, doing anything twenty times in a minute sounds way more productive and what the fuck kind of boss would feel for the horse?!

FUCK. THAT.

If a horse were in charge of the office, he would cc: this to everyone.


FUCKING HORSES!!!

Out to Stud? WHAT.

What else bugs me about fucking horses? They're only supposed to do ONE goddamn thing. ONE. They sometimes run around with a person on them, and they can't even get THAT fucking right all the time. But here's what's worse: there's this thing where they 'put horses out to stud.'

In case you don't know what that is, it's exactly what you think it is. If a horse gets good enough to run around in a circle like a retard faster than other, clearly MORE retarded horses can, then they get to stand around and fuck horse bitches all day in the hopes of breeding some sort of superhorse.

FUCK. THAT.

It's completely unfair to think that just because someone is really good at ONE fucking thing, they should get to spend the rest of their lives fucking and get goddamn paid to do it. If there were any justice in the world, Usain Bolt would be cock-deep in high-class whores right now.



BRING ON THE BITCHES YEAAAAAAAUUUUH!!!

Sometimes even the not-so-fast horses get put out to stud. That'd be like the other guy in that photo being cock-deep in high-class whores even though he didn't win NOW DID HE.

Like I said, COMPLETELY UNFAIR and WHO THE FUCK wants anymore GODDAMN FUCKING HORSES ANYWAYS?!

Why Die, Horse, Die?

Hello. This is a blog about horses, and how they completely suck. These slobbering, braying, four-legged, fornicating, dangerous perverts are an obsolete pestilence held over from the mistaken days of old usage. Perhaps a horse was once useful; now they are not. Why should we continue to keep these disgusting creatures any further? If you ask me, every fucking horse that's alive today is getting a completely free ride to immeasureable amounts of moochiness.

What the fuck does a horse DO all day? People ride them sometimes, and some of those times, the horse kills them. Aside from that, they pretty much just eat, shit and fuck all day on someone else's dime.

FUCK. THAT.

If we're going to put these fuckers to work, then let's make it something useful. However, the only thing horses are good for is riding, and let's talk to Christopher Reeve about how much use riding horses are.


FUCK HORSES!!!

Further evidence to be documented.